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MY STORY
As a young girl, my world was curious and filled with creative play - a natural state that charmed and eventually threatened my mom who got married to my dad and became pregnant with me at 21.
From birth through to early childhood, I was pedestalized for being a fiesty, beautiful, blue-eyed dancer. My parents remember the scene as I pulled up in the crib to move in rhythm with the music. Innately wild play was my way, making up story scenes everyday in the forest of trees outside with my neighbors.
Then when school started, my friends split into different groups and schools, and non-linear ways of learning and play was no longer ok. I needed space to breathe, to explore, but my teachers thought I was bored, they sent a report card stating I was distracted and needed extra help. That I couldn't sit still and thought it was a problem. So did my mom. And, before puberty hit, I was silently suffering, without a voice, terrified, overwhelmed, bullied at school and at home.
From age 7 to 11, my mom’s measure of success was for me to have perfect grades in school and that I should dress to impress. What a mess. As I learned to refuse her expectations, it enraged (and scared) her so. In the system of status quo conformity strangling my soul, academically seemed broken, partially paralyzed.
Unbeknownst to us, I was a creative contrarian, kinesthetic, relational, auditory, visual, intuitive, heart centered learner - deeply unfamiliar, disorienting, frightening for her to observe.
While my dad was away from the house most days at his job and my brother gone at baseball practice, I heard the pound of typewriter keys sound from my mom's rules, conjuring homework tests for me after school to take under her tick ticking watch. The pressure was ON with a thick weight of heavy.
I could barely hear my own voice, didn't know I had the choice to fully breathe. When I made mistakes she screamed : “WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?” My crippled performance in school exasperated her so that she took me to the Sylvan Learning Center for academic tools of support, while tensely watching through the window. I collapsed my bodymind in silent protest.
I found solace with Mrs. Tucker, an elegant grandmotherly woman whose composed, attuned, embodied presence created safety for me in her brave space. She leaned in to track and trace, listen with her gentle face, embraced by her entire being, asking great questions of me. From her I first learned the alchemical power of being seen and the art of holding a sacred container for the real, unfiltered stories of another.
When a disgraceful report card came home, again, Mrs. Tucker called and left a message for my mom to schedule a meeting in her office - alone. My mom thought they were going to talk shit about my shameful, undiagnosed learning pathology.
My mom knocked on the office door of Mrs. Tucker and was invited in to have a seat. She closed the door and deeply stared through into her soul: “Hello Mrs. Birnbaum. (long pause) There are many paths to truth. (Another long pause) It’s a shame you don’t see how remarkable your daughter is. If it were possible I would take her home with me so she would be properly appreciated."
My mom was instantly eviscerated without defense, an intense and swift dismantling. She left the office, the building, the skin of who she had been before entering that meeting. She drove for hours sobbing, pondering her role in our dynamic. She knew it was her blindspot that was the problem.
Upon arriving home, with a puffy red face, she humbly, gracefully said: “I have been toxic with you about your homework and I will never say another word about it again. Ask your dad if you need help. He is more patient.” She never said another word about it again and stopped projecting her need for academic learning onto me. My brilliant, capable mama decided to do the thing she longed to do which was take the LSAT, attend law school, and become an attorney.
I learned that healing and changing behavior is possible. That compassionate listening and truthtelling has the power to transform lives. That it is never too late to pivot into the terrifying unknown when shown the purposeful work we are here to bring forth.
This is my first foundational origin story as Media Midwife... another turning point from life emerged in the wild of my teen age years.
---
From birth through to early childhood, I was pedestalized for being a fiesty, beautiful, blue-eyed dancer. My parents remember the scene as I pulled up in the crib to move in rhythm with the music. Innately wild play was my way, making up story scenes everyday in the forest of trees outside with my neighbors.
Then when school started, my friends split into different groups and schools, and non-linear ways of learning and play was no longer ok. I needed space to breathe, to explore, but my teachers thought I was bored, they sent a report card stating I was distracted and needed extra help. That I couldn't sit still and thought it was a problem. So did my mom. And, before puberty hit, I was silently suffering, without a voice, terrified, overwhelmed, bullied at school and at home.
From age 7 to 11, my mom’s measure of success was for me to have perfect grades in school and that I should dress to impress. What a mess. As I learned to refuse her expectations, it enraged (and scared) her so. In the system of status quo conformity strangling my soul, academically seemed broken, partially paralyzed.
Unbeknownst to us, I was a creative contrarian, kinesthetic, relational, auditory, visual, intuitive, heart centered learner - deeply unfamiliar, disorienting, frightening for her to observe.
While my dad was away from the house most days at his job and my brother gone at baseball practice, I heard the pound of typewriter keys sound from my mom's rules, conjuring homework tests for me after school to take under her tick ticking watch. The pressure was ON with a thick weight of heavy.
I could barely hear my own voice, didn't know I had the choice to fully breathe. When I made mistakes she screamed : “WHY DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?” My crippled performance in school exasperated her so that she took me to the Sylvan Learning Center for academic tools of support, while tensely watching through the window. I collapsed my bodymind in silent protest.
I found solace with Mrs. Tucker, an elegant grandmotherly woman whose composed, attuned, embodied presence created safety for me in her brave space. She leaned in to track and trace, listen with her gentle face, embraced by her entire being, asking great questions of me. From her I first learned the alchemical power of being seen and the art of holding a sacred container for the real, unfiltered stories of another.
When a disgraceful report card came home, again, Mrs. Tucker called and left a message for my mom to schedule a meeting in her office - alone. My mom thought they were going to talk shit about my shameful, undiagnosed learning pathology.
My mom knocked on the office door of Mrs. Tucker and was invited in to have a seat. She closed the door and deeply stared through into her soul: “Hello Mrs. Birnbaum. (long pause) There are many paths to truth. (Another long pause) It’s a shame you don’t see how remarkable your daughter is. If it were possible I would take her home with me so she would be properly appreciated."
My mom was instantly eviscerated without defense, an intense and swift dismantling. She left the office, the building, the skin of who she had been before entering that meeting. She drove for hours sobbing, pondering her role in our dynamic. She knew it was her blindspot that was the problem.
Upon arriving home, with a puffy red face, she humbly, gracefully said: “I have been toxic with you about your homework and I will never say another word about it again. Ask your dad if you need help. He is more patient.” She never said another word about it again and stopped projecting her need for academic learning onto me. My brilliant, capable mama decided to do the thing she longed to do which was take the LSAT, attend law school, and become an attorney.
I learned that healing and changing behavior is possible. That compassionate listening and truthtelling has the power to transform lives. That it is never too late to pivot into the terrifying unknown when shown the purposeful work we are here to bring forth.
This is my first foundational origin story as Media Midwife... another turning point from life emerged in the wild of my teen age years.
---
It was 1990. I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. There was a family gathering for my mom’s 39th birthday party and she was stressed from having a final paper due to graduate law school at DePaul University in Chicago. She was stuck and had extended the paper multiple times. The heat of deadline pressure was on under the surface.
At this family party of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, my Grandpa Herbie (who at the time felt there was nothing worse than a woman lawyer and with whom my mom always felt voiceless) outrageously blamed my boyfriend for getting me sick with a cough after visiting him at the hospital.
One year before, this same boyfriend almost died from a freak accident after being struck by 2200 volts of electricity. While he was recovering in the burn unit of a hospital 45 minutes from my house, I was organizing different ways of getting there every day to show up and be present for his healing.
I was a freshman and he was a junior with close friends who drove, and between them and my parents, I organized creative ways to get rides every day after school. From this experience, my innate capacity to show up came forward. Fierce love and depth of listening supported me to stay open, generous, curious, and connected.
When my boyfriend finally emerged from this catastrophic accident, he told me that my presence at the hospital and late nights on the phone helped his healing from the trauma of over 100 skin graft operations.
On one of our visits, I caught a cold from him just before my mom’s birthday party. So when my grandfather yelled for me to stay away from that “toaster jinx” I ran upstairs to my room, heartbroken and sobbing on the bed. My mom followed me upstairs and made excuses for her father's horrifying behavior: “He didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it…” she pleaded.
In that moment, I stopped crying, wiped my face, marched downstairs, stuck my finger in his face and like a fire breathing dragon yelled in front of my entire family: “Don’t you EVER speak about my boyfriend like that again you son of a bitch!” My grandfather stood up and screamed: “NO ONE TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT!”
He stormed out of the house, slammed the door, and drove home with my Grandma Niecey who, before leaving with him, yelled: “Oh my goodness! Ahri, you can’t talk to your grandfather like that!” Then, my mom yelled: “Why does the First Amendment end with HIM?”
My grandfather called my mom the next morning and said: “I was really angry yesterday but then after I calmed down I said to myself, "That kid's got spunk!”
My mom was inspired to write the paper which allowed her to graduate, become a lawyer, and land her first job.
I learned the power of finding and using my voice which, in doing so, helped my mom find hers.
This is another WHY story guiding my path to uplift the powerful voices of visionary wise woman leaders.
---
Fast forward through time...
In 2022, during precious time with my parents, who traveled from Chicago to Oregon for a double graduation (my daughter from middle school and my son from high school in the Spring of 2022), one afternoon my mom and I went for a walk, holding hands and marveling at our relational growth - from strangers to soulmates - since my parenting journey began in 2005.
You see, my mom grew up with conspiratorial intimacy as a proxy between her maternal grandmother against her mom - who became my Grandma Niecey. They had a common enemy.
This dysfunctional trauma informed family system bled into our relationship, particularly when my son was 3. I had just been through a miscarriage and my mom flew from Chicago to our then home in California to “support” me without capacity for maternal tending. I needed nourishment, massage, care, presence, rest, but her form of intimacy was otherwise.
The morning after she arrived, I sensed a distinctly thick tension generated between her with my young son directed against me. It was psychologically familiar and unsafe and I had zero tolerance for it.
I asked her to step aside and quietly said, “If you’re going to do THIS in my house with my son you will never see your grandchild again.”
My mom heard me - just like she heard Mrs. Tucker - and decided that she would do whatever it took to heal herself, choosing to dive into a rigorous, decades long journey of family systems therapy. She took direct responsibility and transformed herself. My mom's love was stronger than her fear. Again, the role of truthtelling changed our lives and made it possible for us to engage a loving relationship built on trust and respect for me and my chosen family.
Today she is known as the “Granny Wizard” family lawyer specializing in supporting kids caught in the middle of divorce, helping to empower them to find their voices and make bold, brave decisions. She sees who they are. She listens deeply for their stories and the truth of what they need. She inquires with impeccable insight and sensitivity. She solves problems with diplomatic skill and integrity. And, she attributes our saga as the foundation for her law practice.
We both bring the transmission of Mrs. Tucker into our daily lives of deeply seeing and reflecting meaningful stories that catalyze change.
When my mom and I came back from our walk, I played her a recent client podcast series production in process. She was deeply moved by it and said, “Wow! We are doing the same work in completely different ways!”
---
One year before that visit and one year into Covid, overwhelmed and supporting my kids with zoom school at home, while in the midst of production on my award-winning, new-genre, podcast series woven with conversation, stories, music, and original lyrics STILLPOINT, I went on a long hike by myself into the forest, deeply listening for how to serve others with my passions and skills.
For two decades I had worked as an independent professional combining cathartic public radio, music, art, and podcast series works inspired by lived experience and the intersection between roiling cultural change and my transformational journey of motherhood.
With innovative, award-winning storytelling and music projects stretching the genre of what was possible within the sonic medium, my work reached audiences nationwide and globally to illuminate the wisdom of women and mothers.
These works were distributed via PRX, PRI, and NPR including: SHADES OF GRAY (Golden Reel Award for Best National Radio Documentary NFCB Community of Broadcaster), BIRTH, BORN, A MOTHER'S LENS, BENDING IN 2020, along with facilitated listening and birth story sharing circles in over 75 communities nationwide with THE BIRTH TOUR.
In addition, after an acutely exhausting pregnancy with my second child, our baby daughter did not sleep much. My husband or I would wake up with her in the night every hour for over two years. When it was my turn, singing to her was the only thing that calmed us in those brutal wee hours.
An improvisational vocal wellspring opened up from within me and in 2010, when my son was five years old, I was adamant that he take music lessons. After a few lessons he said, "Mom, I don't want music, you want music!"
In taking pause after an award-winning public radio career of turning the microphone on mothers nationwide to capture their experiences of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, I was compelled to turn the microphone on my own story. After writing 10 original songs, and a Kickstarter campaign, in 2014, my debut album, DELVE, was born.
It was a catharsis to create from listening within for what wanted to emerge. And it was this transformational experience that inspired my work to illuminate the authentic voices of my clients as Media Midwife.
---
Fast forward through time to my solo forest mountain hiking Covid contemplations in crisis, I prayed to the ancestors for how I could use my skills to serve through the wild of collective trauma...
While sitting on a rock to rest, I observed a nest of once quiet baby birds chirping as their mama flew in to feed her hungry young just after a fierce hunt. So basic and true was the soulful internal motivation to passionately tend, love, and receive what is needed. It was both a miraculous and mundane moment that moved me to an idea. I saw myself in that mama bird and felt the innate power of connection, creativity, and storytelling as basic as the nourishment that sustains us.
The next day, I received a call from the chairman of my department at Southern Oregon University, where I serve as an Adjunct Professor for the next generation of media makers - in addition to my independent media work. He asked if I’d like to create my dream college course. ALIVE: YOUR VOICE, THIS MOMENT became an ecosystem of stories to test my idea, inspiring authentic connection and wisdom sharing among my students.
We honed in on one transformational story from their lives with lessons applied to meet this moment. From there, I guided each student to produce a sound-rich, creative podcast expression of their story.
It was a hit in the department and in the lives of my students, and this experience gave me another idea. Taking the work a step further, I believe wise visionary women leaders are the brilliant collaborative tending force that can change the world. Centering personal wisdom stories from lived experience, illuminated with sound and music to deeply connect with customers, clients, colleagues and self, I was inspired to create podcast series consulting + creation offerings to serve this very special superpower inside the marketplace.
And so, my work as a Media Midwife in THE STORY WOMB was born.
If it is TIME to create your podcast series, then BOOK A 30 MINUTE CALL to see if we're a fit to work together and animate the soul of your vision.
At this family party of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, my Grandpa Herbie (who at the time felt there was nothing worse than a woman lawyer and with whom my mom always felt voiceless) outrageously blamed my boyfriend for getting me sick with a cough after visiting him at the hospital.
One year before, this same boyfriend almost died from a freak accident after being struck by 2200 volts of electricity. While he was recovering in the burn unit of a hospital 45 minutes from my house, I was organizing different ways of getting there every day to show up and be present for his healing.
I was a freshman and he was a junior with close friends who drove, and between them and my parents, I organized creative ways to get rides every day after school. From this experience, my innate capacity to show up came forward. Fierce love and depth of listening supported me to stay open, generous, curious, and connected.
When my boyfriend finally emerged from this catastrophic accident, he told me that my presence at the hospital and late nights on the phone helped his healing from the trauma of over 100 skin graft operations.
On one of our visits, I caught a cold from him just before my mom’s birthday party. So when my grandfather yelled for me to stay away from that “toaster jinx” I ran upstairs to my room, heartbroken and sobbing on the bed. My mom followed me upstairs and made excuses for her father's horrifying behavior: “He didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it…” she pleaded.
In that moment, I stopped crying, wiped my face, marched downstairs, stuck my finger in his face and like a fire breathing dragon yelled in front of my entire family: “Don’t you EVER speak about my boyfriend like that again you son of a bitch!” My grandfather stood up and screamed: “NO ONE TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT!”
He stormed out of the house, slammed the door, and drove home with my Grandma Niecey who, before leaving with him, yelled: “Oh my goodness! Ahri, you can’t talk to your grandfather like that!” Then, my mom yelled: “Why does the First Amendment end with HIM?”
My grandfather called my mom the next morning and said: “I was really angry yesterday but then after I calmed down I said to myself, "That kid's got spunk!”
My mom was inspired to write the paper which allowed her to graduate, become a lawyer, and land her first job.
I learned the power of finding and using my voice which, in doing so, helped my mom find hers.
This is another WHY story guiding my path to uplift the powerful voices of visionary wise woman leaders.
---
Fast forward through time...
In 2022, during precious time with my parents, who traveled from Chicago to Oregon for a double graduation (my daughter from middle school and my son from high school in the Spring of 2022), one afternoon my mom and I went for a walk, holding hands and marveling at our relational growth - from strangers to soulmates - since my parenting journey began in 2005.
You see, my mom grew up with conspiratorial intimacy as a proxy between her maternal grandmother against her mom - who became my Grandma Niecey. They had a common enemy.
This dysfunctional trauma informed family system bled into our relationship, particularly when my son was 3. I had just been through a miscarriage and my mom flew from Chicago to our then home in California to “support” me without capacity for maternal tending. I needed nourishment, massage, care, presence, rest, but her form of intimacy was otherwise.
The morning after she arrived, I sensed a distinctly thick tension generated between her with my young son directed against me. It was psychologically familiar and unsafe and I had zero tolerance for it.
I asked her to step aside and quietly said, “If you’re going to do THIS in my house with my son you will never see your grandchild again.”
My mom heard me - just like she heard Mrs. Tucker - and decided that she would do whatever it took to heal herself, choosing to dive into a rigorous, decades long journey of family systems therapy. She took direct responsibility and transformed herself. My mom's love was stronger than her fear. Again, the role of truthtelling changed our lives and made it possible for us to engage a loving relationship built on trust and respect for me and my chosen family.
Today she is known as the “Granny Wizard” family lawyer specializing in supporting kids caught in the middle of divorce, helping to empower them to find their voices and make bold, brave decisions. She sees who they are. She listens deeply for their stories and the truth of what they need. She inquires with impeccable insight and sensitivity. She solves problems with diplomatic skill and integrity. And, she attributes our saga as the foundation for her law practice.
We both bring the transmission of Mrs. Tucker into our daily lives of deeply seeing and reflecting meaningful stories that catalyze change.
When my mom and I came back from our walk, I played her a recent client podcast series production in process. She was deeply moved by it and said, “Wow! We are doing the same work in completely different ways!”
---
One year before that visit and one year into Covid, overwhelmed and supporting my kids with zoom school at home, while in the midst of production on my award-winning, new-genre, podcast series woven with conversation, stories, music, and original lyrics STILLPOINT, I went on a long hike by myself into the forest, deeply listening for how to serve others with my passions and skills.
For two decades I had worked as an independent professional combining cathartic public radio, music, art, and podcast series works inspired by lived experience and the intersection between roiling cultural change and my transformational journey of motherhood.
With innovative, award-winning storytelling and music projects stretching the genre of what was possible within the sonic medium, my work reached audiences nationwide and globally to illuminate the wisdom of women and mothers.
These works were distributed via PRX, PRI, and NPR including: SHADES OF GRAY (Golden Reel Award for Best National Radio Documentary NFCB Community of Broadcaster), BIRTH, BORN, A MOTHER'S LENS, BENDING IN 2020, along with facilitated listening and birth story sharing circles in over 75 communities nationwide with THE BIRTH TOUR.
In addition, after an acutely exhausting pregnancy with my second child, our baby daughter did not sleep much. My husband or I would wake up with her in the night every hour for over two years. When it was my turn, singing to her was the only thing that calmed us in those brutal wee hours.
An improvisational vocal wellspring opened up from within me and in 2010, when my son was five years old, I was adamant that he take music lessons. After a few lessons he said, "Mom, I don't want music, you want music!"
In taking pause after an award-winning public radio career of turning the microphone on mothers nationwide to capture their experiences of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, I was compelled to turn the microphone on my own story. After writing 10 original songs, and a Kickstarter campaign, in 2014, my debut album, DELVE, was born.
It was a catharsis to create from listening within for what wanted to emerge. And it was this transformational experience that inspired my work to illuminate the authentic voices of my clients as Media Midwife.
---
Fast forward through time to my solo forest mountain hiking Covid contemplations in crisis, I prayed to the ancestors for how I could use my skills to serve through the wild of collective trauma...
While sitting on a rock to rest, I observed a nest of once quiet baby birds chirping as their mama flew in to feed her hungry young just after a fierce hunt. So basic and true was the soulful internal motivation to passionately tend, love, and receive what is needed. It was both a miraculous and mundane moment that moved me to an idea. I saw myself in that mama bird and felt the innate power of connection, creativity, and storytelling as basic as the nourishment that sustains us.
The next day, I received a call from the chairman of my department at Southern Oregon University, where I serve as an Adjunct Professor for the next generation of media makers - in addition to my independent media work. He asked if I’d like to create my dream college course. ALIVE: YOUR VOICE, THIS MOMENT became an ecosystem of stories to test my idea, inspiring authentic connection and wisdom sharing among my students.
We honed in on one transformational story from their lives with lessons applied to meet this moment. From there, I guided each student to produce a sound-rich, creative podcast expression of their story.
It was a hit in the department and in the lives of my students, and this experience gave me another idea. Taking the work a step further, I believe wise visionary women leaders are the brilliant collaborative tending force that can change the world. Centering personal wisdom stories from lived experience, illuminated with sound and music to deeply connect with customers, clients, colleagues and self, I was inspired to create podcast series consulting + creation offerings to serve this very special superpower inside the marketplace.
And so, my work as a Media Midwife in THE STORY WOMB was born.
If it is TIME to create your podcast series, then BOOK A 30 MINUTE CALL to see if we're a fit to work together and animate the soul of your vision.
